to love and be loved- what is better?
while eating my petite breakfast sandwich that would only fill up a mouse after leaving my situationships house, I wrestle with this thought while listening to Chappell Roan
Ahhhh, tale as old as time. A single, 20-something year old, gen-zer, who recently got let go of her job in July, in an economy that reaaaally sucks for that to happen right now, is writing about love while drinking her $8 matcha instead of job searching. She is her. I am her. We all are her. But I am quite literally her.
As I leave my situationships house this morning, one hour past the time I said I would, this epiphany pops up into my head as I make his bed and tidy his room. ( I know, I know, SHUT IT.)
What feels better- to love or be loved? I overthink, and think some more, to the point I’m starving, and decide to get an overpriced breakfast sand-which and caffeinated beverage. Classic.
The question of whether it is better to want to love or to want to be loved invites deep reflection on the nature of relationships and the motivations behind our emotional desires. While both desires are profoundly human, intertwined with our experiences, needs, and aspirations. Understanding the nuances of each can illuminate how we engage with ourselves and others. And by that I mean, how far on the spectrum can we use this tool to measure our deepest insecurities and egos? lol jk. Back to it.
Wanting to love is rooted in the drive to connect, to share, and to nurture. This desire is often characterized by an openness to vulnerability, a willingness to give, and a deep-seated empathy for others. When we focus on the desire to love, we cultivate a mindset that prioritizes the well-being of others and seeks to foster deep connections.
At its core, the desire to love is about empathy. It pushes us to understand others' perspectives and feelings, fostering a sense of connection that transcends superficial interactions. This drive encourages us to be present, to listen actively, and to offer support, creating relationships built on mutual respect and trust.
Moreover, loving someone can be a source of profound joy. It allows us to experience the world through another’s eyes, enriching our own lives. The act of loving can lead to personal growth, as it often challenges us to confront our own limitations, biases, and fears. By investing in others, we learn more about ourselves and our capacity for compassion.
Loving also offers a sense of fulfillment that comes from giving rather than receiving. Acts of kindness and love—whether through small gestures or grand sacrifices—often lead to a deep satisfaction that is intrinsic to our humanity. This fulfillment can transcend the need for external validation. When we focus on loving, we engage in an act of creation, nurturing relationships that can inspire and uplift.
However, the desire to love can also lead to challenges. It may create imbalances in relationships if one person is giving while the other is taking without reciprocation. This dynamic can lead to feelings of resentment or burnout. Additionally, when the desire to love is not met with appreciation or mutual engagement, it can result in emotional pain. Thus, while the desire to love is noble, it must be balanced with self-care and healthy boundaries.
On the other hand, wanting to be loved taps into our fundamental need for security and acceptance. This desire is often linked to our self-worth, shaping our interactions with others and influencing how we perceive ourselves.
The desire to be loved often stems from a quest for validation. In a world that can feel isolating, being loved reinforces our sense of belonging and identity. Love, in this context, becomes a mirror reflecting our value. When we feel loved, it can bolster our self-esteem and provide a sense of worthiness that might otherwise feel elusive.
Wanting to be loved also speaks to our inherent need for connection. Relationships provide safety and support, offering a refuge during challenging times. Love can act as an anchor, grounding us in moments of uncertainty. The emotional safety that comes from feeling loved can help us navigate life’s complexities, fostering resilience and hope.
However, the desire to be loved can lead to dependency. When we rely solely on others for our self-worth, we may find ourselves in unhealthy relationships, compromising our values or well-being for the sake of acceptance. This can create a cycle of seeking validation, where we become overly focused on how others perceive us, rather than cultivating a sense of self that is independent of external affirmation.
Ultimately, the interplay between wanting to love and wanting to be loved is crucial for healthy relationships. A balance of both desires creates a dynamic where individuals can thrive. When both parties prioritize love—giving and receiving in equal measure—relationships can flourish.
In healthy relationships, the desire to love and be loved mutually reinforces each other. When one person offers love, it creates an environment where the other feels safe to express their needs and vulnerabilities. This reciprocity fosters a cycle of growth and deepens emotional intimacy. As individuals feel more secure in their connection, they become more willing to explore their capacities for love, which in turn enriches the relationship.
Balancing these desires also promotes self-discovery. Engaging in the act of loving can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves—our strengths, weaknesses, and emotional capacities. Conversely, receiving love can help us confront our insecurities and build a more robust self-concept. Each desire informs the other, creating a holistic approach to relationships that celebrates both individuality and togetherness.
In the grand tapestry of human relationships, both the desire to love and the desire to be loved are essential threads. While each has its unique strengths and challenges, the most fulfilling relationships often emerge when both desires coexist in harmony.
Wanting to love encourages us to connect, empathize, and grow through giving. It fosters a sense of community and belonging that enriches our lives. Meanwhile, wanting to be loved affirms our worth and provides the emotional support necessary for resilience and growth. Striking a balance between these desires allows us to engage in healthier, more fulfilling relationships, ultimately leading to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. In the end, the journey of love—both in giving and receiving—is what makes us profoundly human.
But you tell me- Is it better to love or be loved?